skee's daily happenings: sometimes i jus wanna run

9/25/2004 10:01:00 AM

Saturday, September 25, 2004

sometimes i jus wanna run

run to dunnoe where man. reading yeeky's blog i envy her so much. hahaha ok envy too negative a word perhaps admire would be a more appropriate term. been thinking of wat to do when i graduate and none of them is finding a job oops. am i jus too complacent or jus tired of everything? oh man skee is usually not like tat but anyway jus a little PMS so forgive me man. thinking of accompanying my grandma to china next august. i promised her if i can't find a job then, i'll go with her. haha.. august can't find job is it already a crisis? hahaha my gandmama can go down to her hometown to be her "empress dowager" then i can walk ard shantou city, or maybe ask carol and sherlene to fly here to backpack with me hahha. maybe find a job in china too? hee.. told my mama my plan, then she said jokingly, "so u waiting for me to still "yang" you?" hahha.. i wouldn't deny tat i'm still very very reliant on my mama. financially and emotionally. sometimes i feel rather bad not having dinners with her, always having late nights and i really thank her for understanding. hai.. think i'm not a very good example cos my sis is doing the same too.. oh no..

sometimes i jus feel so inadequate for the job tat i have. seriously it's time for me to upgrade on my hard skills man. managing people wise i think i'm ok. jus tat i can really feel the power distance sometimes. trying hard to be their fren but realise i can't be everything. there is always this self-censorship thingy that ppl go through when they talk to me i feel. will they look for me when they are in trouble? i dunnoe. i hope to be the first person they look for. i dunnoe whether they like my leadership style or anything. sometimes i dun get much feedback but there was a time when we went on recee for the cdc race with terence, laiping and fang ting. i think i really appreciate all the feedback that laiping gave me. but do i seem too dictatorial? hai.. hahaha suddenly thought of Adolf Hitler. Ruijie so used to adore him in sec sch. to do great things, u must be a great man? or rather ruthless. i dunnoe. but dun worry i'm not Miss Hitler yet. feeling work piling up and i know all other ppl are also having studies and work at the same time. i feel bad heaping more work on them. but things need to be done. like i said, this sem is NOT like any sem man. work load is like crazy... anyway think still need to do a lot of work.. revamping forms, talking to ppl, giving lessons, being their fren. the last being the most difficult, but i'll try my best haha.. maybe wen yan's module of the effectiveness of interpersonal dynamics or smth like tat will seriously work.

am i being too yi qi yong shi sometimes too? i rem alvin, yong hui, simon (my ex-boss) telling me tat. yeah will try try try not to be rash and jus react to things. think girl.. think... b4 u do anything. sometimes i feel myself turning so rational tat i feel i'm a cold person. ahhh....

i thought i got over it but sometimes still think abt it. am i always like tat? so unwilling to let go? yeah another thing i mus learn.

one thing abt my project group. I HATE GEORGE!!! oopps yi qi yong shi again. my goodness, i think i've never met such a obnoxious project mate hahha or the closest was henry but henry is still ok as a fren. first i did his part for the survey, he din even say thanks or acknowledge my work!!?? second forever too busy for project meetings as if we are like not worth his time. he may have the contacts and prove useful to the groups. but seriously he's too poser and ham sup for my liking. aarrghh as if i like him at all. hai.. now tat honghui, zhaoyong and peijie finished the part on SPSS,hai.. the ppl left for the analysis, report and presentation part are valerie, xiao ting and george.. aargghh.. ahhh.. hai.. feel none have the initiative.. think i'm so gonna take on the proactive role again. xiao ting i think i'm too fast in "executing" her but i feel so frustrated when she always gives me the blank look like she dunnoe wat the hell i am saying. and she's always slow in giving input in a sense tat ppl already starting on new part then she still wanna take out her work for the old part to let us see.. ahhhh... hai.. projects are tests of endurance, perserverance, determination of interpersonal relationships man. ok mus REN!! half a sem gone already.. i mus JIA YOU!!!!

hahha super KB time today.. yeah.. i need the sun, sand and the sea man. the sun was hiding today when i woke up. where are u when i need u?

hahaha.. anyway i better run project meeting already.

skee the great

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